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  • Writer's pictureAppiffanny

When Rona Showed Up

Rona went out there showing her ass! Now errybody on punishment!

It’s the beginning of a new month during a pandemic, so why not bring out some new content? I know, I know, it’s been quite a while, over a year since I last wrote anything. I can give you a bunch of reasons why, but I honestly just didn’t fucking feel like it. *Shrugs* It’s my page, my life, so I kinda do what I want, simply put. Haha! You’re mad! Or not…. Anyway….

So how many of those “WYD?” “Hello, stranger.” “Is this (insert your name here)?” text messages have you received from people that you haven’t talked to in months since Rona showed up? Luckily my personality doesn’t scream “Let me reach out to this lady now that I’m bored and have too much time on my hands” to people I don’t fuck with. I did receive one yesterday though. To my relief it was a guy I had met at a volunteer food drive over a year and a half ago. If you know me, I’m not huge on small talk, that’s generally reserved for when I’m at work checking-in people to make them feel welcome per hospitality standards, and most people do not care to know how you are actually doing. Long story short, last thing I remember talking to this guy about was a passion project that he had as an idea and wanted to start. Due to life, circumstances, not being the right time, healing from past traumas, and such, in a nutshell his passion is still just an idea with more ideas added to it, and he will get started taking actions approximately 2 years from now. Many people right now are finding out that time is a luxury that they may not have much more of. I asked him what’s stopping him and he replied “It’s personal… Why do you ask? Do you feel like I’m wrong because I’m not doing it now.” My reply was, “It’s nothing wrong. I’m just pointing out perspective. 2 years from now, God forbid you have a life threatening illness like some people are going thru at this very moment, or even in the next month, will you regret not starting? Are you happy right now? Are you good with what you have contributed in life at this very moment? If everything is good, great! [But] if you have regrets, if you are not happy, if you feel like you could contribute more, then again, what’s stopping you…. You don’t have to tell me about your specific circumstances, everyone has their personal hell…. There’s a reason you reached out to the woman whose name means insight, enlightenment and sudden perception of thought. My passion is to help a person to become the best version of their authentic self. Healing is great, but why do you feel like taking actions on your passion is separate from your healing process?” You, the reader, think about it. Really sit on it and honestly ask yourself the same questions if they are applicable.

Personally, I can say that overall I am happy. Even though my friends and family hate that I say this due to their anxiety and fear around death, if I die, I die. If it’s my time, it’s my time. If I catch The Rona then my immune system will either fight it or fail. It is what it is. If I was on my deathbed at this very moment, I would not have any regrets. The people who need to know that I love them know. If I didn’t get a chance to post this blog post, I wouldn’t regret it. I’ve come in contact with multiple people that I am grateful to have made big and small impacts in their lives, and them in mine. I’m also not an anxious person, so it helps me be at peace with my own death, which is not something that many people can say, and I have complete empathy for everyone that does have anxiety and anyone who is being affected during this outbreak. I’m not burdened with the addiction of being “busy” either. I am able to simply be, so I’m not bored when I have time to do whatever I want, whether that’s cleaning, hanging from my yoga trapeze, painting, talking on the phone, bingeing Netflix, or sleeping. Do not mistake my happiness for a perfect life; I have debt that I am working on getting rid of, wealth that I am working on building, relationships that can are still in the process of healing, relationships that have ended, relationships that I want to continue to build, fitness goals that I am working on accomplishing, flaws that I am fixing, v-log post ideas that need to be recorded, trips that I want to plan once this craziness has passed, and a whole life to continue to live.

My planner has the theme “Slow progress is still progress” for the month of April. For the random texter who said he was not happy, and readers alike: Remember to be kind to yourself and celebrate the actions that you are taking toward your happiness. Happiness is a constant choice to live, to choose to love yourself again and again. You can choose for your life to be encompassed by anger, sadness, annoyance, and/or fear, or you can choose for them to just be passing moments of emotion that you allow yourself to feel, acknowledge and identify, and accept without judging yourself, without making yourself wrong for feeling that way, and move forward toward choosing happiness again. Do not compare yourself to others, your lives are not the same, your circumstances are not the same, you have not taken the same actions... you are a completely different person, period. Do not bully yourself for things that you have not accomplished yet, just keep doing forward, failing forward, and enjoy the process toward your happiness. It’s easy to stay depressed, angry, sad, lonely, numb, bored, and it fucking sucks. It takes hard work, failure, difficult conversations, unconditioning from societal norms, learning to forgive yourself and others for whatever blame has been placed, sometimes therapy, gratitude, honesty, vulnerability, and overall constant action with being uncomfortable to get to a place of true happiness.

At the end of the day, it’s your life and you can do whatever the fuck it is that you want with it, happy or not, as I do with mine. Just a final epiphany to leave you with: If you normally don’t, wouldn’t it be nice to say for a change that you chose you today? That you Showed Up for happiness in yourself today….

Happy Corona Quarantining! Stay Safe! I Love You!

XOXO Coach Piffy

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